Jesus Christ, the only begotten son of God, has revealed that the cause of the recent spate of hurricanes and earthquakes to hit various parts of the world has been the anger of his heavenly father at not enough people typing ‘Amen’ in the comments section of a prayer which was being shared on Facebook.
“Here, ye may get fucking well get hitting the like button and typing ‘Amen’ on this thing,” said Jesus. “It’s a picture of me curing a sick child and it says ‘One million likes and Amen’s to show the Lord God you love him’ and fucking well at 986,643 likes it suddenly seemed to have hit its peak and people had stapped sharing it so’s they had. My da had been keeping an eye on it like to see if people still loved us and once it stapped being shared I could hear grumbles coming from his throne room for a few days and then a few days later when it still wasn’t being shared anymore them grumbles turned into him huffing and puffing and stamping his feet like fuck and the next thing I know the angels was telling me the earth was half wrecked with all these mad winds and earthquakes. He’s just hitting out at random places in his anger, he’s pure beside himself so he is.”
Went on the Son of God: “I can usually calm him down but nat when he gets this bad, nat a chance. The only thing to do is to find that prayer on Facebook and get it up to the one million likes it promised and then he’ll be happy again and things will calm down. Them things mean an awful lat to him.”