‘I am black’ declares middle class white woman from Belfast’s leafy Malone Road

Sarah McMahon, a 29 year old business consultant from the well-to-do Malone Road area of Belfast has shocked friends and family by claiming that she is black.

Sarah says her journey to realising what she says is her true identity began when she read a Guardian article by the well-known feminist radical Patricia O’Hairy titled ‘Kitchen is the New Plantation’ and which posited that women who find themselves drying dishes on a regular basis are in the same position as African slaves were in America before the civil war which freed them.

“That article really started to make sense to me then the next day when our wee Asian maid called in sick and I was forced to do all the kitcheny stuff myself after tea as I noticed my husband was away skiving late at work and leaving me to do everything. I was like ‘Oh my god, that article was sooo super right’ and it totally dawned on me that I am living in an apartheid state like they had in South Africa where one group of privileged people dominate another group of like really, really downtrodden people and that as a woman I am the oppressed wee darkie in this equation. I am so, so black now it’s really just crazy.”

Mrs McMahon says she has been trying to contact the protest group Black Lives Matter to see if she can gain their support for her plans to chain herself to the railings at Belfast City Hall to draw attention to her plight, but that no one from the group has yet returned any of her calls.

When asked for comment, her husband, Patrick McMahon, confirmed that he has plans to kill her and make it look like an accident.