“Thank fuck I’m dead” confirms George Orwell as America demands that Iran ‘Stop meddling in the Middle East’

George Orwell, the famous author of ‘Animal Farm’ and ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’ has expressed his relief that he isn’t around today or his head would “spin off and ascend into stratosphere” after US Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Hayley said that Iran “must stop all their meddling in the Middle East”.

“I just wouldn’t know where to start at all with that,” said Orwell to this publication in an interview carried out via an Ouija Board. “I mean, doublespeak hardly begins to do it service. America is telling Iran to stop meddling in the Middle East. Just say that again…. AMERICA is telling IRAN to stop meddling IN THE MIDDLE EAST. And I suppose if they don’t then they’ll bomb them from one of their two dozen military bases in the area or invade them like they did Iraq or get one of their Middle Eastern proxies to attack them for them, or even better yet get the CIA to launch a coup to bring down the Iranian government like they did that time before.

“Thank god I’m dead and don’t have to even try and handle this shit,” he went on. “Why did you bloody have to summon me up from my rest to tell me this stuff, now you’ve went and ruined a perfectly good eternal sleep for me by putting this into my head. This stuff is beyond anything I had to deal with in my lifetime, Stalinism was like a straight-talking Yorkshire farmer simply counting his cows compared to this. Leave me alone in future you bastards.”