‘Nukes don’t kill people, people do’ declares NRA as it calls for nuclear weapons in private hands

In the wake of the Las Vegas Strip massacre, the National Rifle Association has demanded that American citizens be allowed to purchase their own nuclear arsenals for home and societal protection.

“The only thing that can stop a bad guy with an automatic rifle shooting into a crowd from the 32nd floor of a building is a nuclear device wielded by a good guy,” said the NRA in a statement put out just after news of the massacre broke. “Plus, it will also help defeat terrorism. No terrorist would dare even step foot in America if he knew that responsible citizens were walking around with their own nuclear armed suitcases ready to detonate a small to medium-sized atomic explosion at the first sight of a bearded man of Middle Eastern appearance. This is about safety. It is imperative that the government act now and extend our Second Amendment rights to allow home and open carry nuclear devices to be legally purchased by all American citizens.”

President Trump Tweeted that the NRA’s proposal was “a very smart and very reasonable idea which I support fully. Let’s Make America Safe Again.”