London crash ‘not terror related’

The Metropolitan Police have moved to reassure people that an incident today in London when a car mounted the pavement outside the Natural History Museum and injured 11 pedestrians was not terror related.

“At first we feared the worst,” said a Met Police spokesman. “But when we got to the scene we discovered that the driver was wearing an orange sash and identified himself as a member of an organisation which we know to be an extremist sectarian hate cult with open ties to violent criminal gangs and terrorists. He told us he was angry because his organisation had been banned from marching down the aisle of Westminster Catholic Cathedral during Mass this evening.

“‘Oh well,’ we thought, ‘definitely not terror related then’ so we stuck a simple charge of dangerous driving on him and released him on bail. Any chatter that an incident like this could be terrorism is just plain crazy talk.”