The dags of war: Fears as Traveller row threatens to erupt into all out violence

Tensions between ‘Big’ Kim Joyce Un and Donald ‘Thump’ Trump-McDonagh, the two feuding patriarchs of their respective Traveller clans, have reached boiling point as each this week released a series of Youtube videos calling the other out to fight.

The videos, laced with degrading insults such as ‘fat fuck fanny head with the girl’s name’ and ‘orange faced fanny grabber with the girl’s hands’ represent an alarming escalation of the war of words between the two clan leaders, both of whom are known to be prone to outbursts of extreme violence.

“Ye give me back de horses ye stowlt an me an go park yer whore family’s caravans away sumwhere else from our halting site or I’ll blacken yer eyes and kick yer small cock inte yer dorty scum-talking mouth” snarled Joyce Un in a video filmed in front of a field of nettles as small children punched each other on their heads in the background. “Ye stop yer mouthing at me or I’ll go in dere wit me lads and born dem fucking caravans o’ yers till de ground an get me horses te ride yer dorty paedophile hole clayne aff ye” retorted a clearly enraged Trump-McDonagh in a video reply as he punched himself on the face in apoplectic anger. “Dem fists won’t seem so small when dere rammed down yer throat pulling yer heart out so’s I can ate it in front o’ yer women, ye dorty bag o’ whore’s abortions ye.”

Insiders have suggested that this latest round of feuding between the two long-term rivals started over whose prize horse had the biggest penis, something which is a source of intense pride in their macho culture. “It’s clear though,” said one observer we spoke to, “that both men themselves can jointly take the prize for being the biggest horse’s cock.”