Bigmouth strikes yet-a-fucking-gain: Latest Morrissey spewing inspires petition to cull pop stars when they reach age 27

An online petition calling on countries worldwide to cull their beloved pop stars once they reach the age of 27 has quickly amassed over ten million signatures and counting after former Smiths frontman Morrissey brought many followers to tears this week by living long enough to become so shockingly right-wing that he has went and released a song supportive of the apartheid state of Israel.

The release of the apologist number ‘Israel’, whose lyrics go ‘Oh Israel you are so glorious, especially the way you run over Palestinian children’s heads in your armoured bulldozers’, or something like that anyway because who the fuck knows really as no-one is going to bother themselves in actually listening to the dirge, was the final straw for long-suffering Morrissey fan Carla Johnston who started the petition after reading a newspaper report about the song’s release.

“I am actually old enough to remember when Morrissey stood with the oppressed people in society and was a spokesman for the outsider and the downtrodden and before he became a fat block-headed bastard with fanny eyebrows who looks and acts like a Tory MP having a fever dream about representing Britain in a 1955 Eurovision Song Contest,” said Mrs. Johnston when contacted by the Daily Slabber. “I became a vegetarian for this cunt?!” went on the clearly enraged former fan. “30 fucking years of living on carrots and tofu after listening to ‘Meat is Murder’. I now vow to eat steak for breakfast, dinner and supper. Fuck it, I’ll eat the fucking meat raw off the animal’s body even before it is slaughtered and rub ‘Morrissey is a cunt’ onto my bare tits with the spilt blood. If only the insufferable cocknut had died long ago before he became someone that young Morrissey would have written a killer song about stringing up by the neck in Trafalgar Square for the tourists to see.”

She finished: “We need to start killing these pop star fucks at the young age of 27 so they can become unsullied legends like Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain and before Stormzy becomes the fucking Republican president of America or something.”