A Tyrone tang has been warned to stop diffing his souped-up Peugeot 306 with the luminous paint job up the main street in Cookstown whilst blasting out republican tunes set to a dance music beat from the car music system as he waves one arm out of a half-rolled down tinted window while roaring ‘Yerrrroooooooooooooo ye fine bitch ye!’ at passing young women, as it has led to a 5000% increase in pregnancies in the small town.
22 year old Muck McSavage has been blamed for the dramatic increase in the Cookstown birth rate and local councillors say he must stop his diffing now or be prepared to cough up all the extra money needed to house new single mothers in the local vicinity. “Every time he diffs up the entire length of the two mile long main street in Cookstown he gets about 30 women pregnant,” said an irate local councillor. “They just need to see this wild rebel tang who don’t care nuttin for what no old bastard says to him come diffing along with the smoke flying out of his tyres and his yellow checked shirt open to the fourth button and they immediately find themselves about six months pregnant such is the turn-on. We even have to put sandbags along the road because the street is just flooded with fanny juice once he makes an appearance. Rivers of it. He doesn’t drive at all ever, he just diffs everywhere. Diffs to the shop and back to buy a pack of fegs. I’ve even heard the little twat diffed the whole way to Cork and back one day. Fuck, imagine the amount of little tangs later spewed out because of that journey.”
Speaking to the Daily Slabber, Mr McSavage said he was just going to continue doing doughnuts everywhere he goes as he has forgotten how to drive normally. “Yerrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooo looks like them wee tidy yokes is gonna continue getting up the shoot just by seeing how much of a man I am when I diff this fucking hing up the street,” he told us. “Yerrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo!!!”, before then adding “Yerrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooo!” and then diffing away somewhere in his car.