The DUP today held a press conference to announce that they had cut off their noses to spite their own faces.
“The decision to cut off our noses was an easy one,” proclaimed party leader Arlene Foster. “We got together and asked ourselves ‘Regarding current political turmoil on the issues of the post-Brexit border and the continuing suspension of Stormont, what could we do to really sock it to the other lot?’, the other lot of course being our own faces. And immediately all senior members chimed in with ‘We shall cut off our own noses to show our faces that we won’t be moved on their demands to continue having noses.
“So right away I called for an assistant to bring us all knives and we got down to the work of removing our noses from our faces. We concede that this wasn’t in the best interests of our noses, who wanted to stay attached to our faces, but we got to show our faces good and proper and that is the main thing. That’ll learn those stupid faces of ours.”