Man burned at stake outside Belfast City Hall after being accused of looking at woman’s bum

Christmas shoppers in Belfast city centre today witnessed a shocking scene when a 20 year old male student who was accused of “looking at a woman’s hole” was publicly stripped by a crowd of raging feminists before being dragged through the streets of the city and then burned at the stake outside the city hall.

Tobias O’Reilly was alleged to have “glanced lustily” at the bum of 21 year old fellow student Lisa Holt as she passed by him outside the students’ union building on University Road. Whilst Miss Holt herself did not witness the alleged offending glance her friend, 21 year old Claire Prentice, did and told her about it, leading Miss Holt to start screaming that she had just been sexually assaulted by the resurrected corpse of serial killer and sexual pervert Fred West and demanding that mob justice be done swiftly so as to somewhat alleviate her distress.

One witness to the scenes at City Hall spoke to the Daily Slabber: “I’ve never seen anything like it. When they tied this boy to the stake his skin was already flayed off him from the dragging through the streets. As they gathered around him with the burning torches he screamed ‘I didn’t even look at her hole – sure it’s nat even that great a hole so it’s nat so why would I have looked at it?!’ but this only made them even more enraged and they started poking him on his bleeding ballix with those lit torches. By the time the lad had burned down into cinders I was that scared myself that I had cut my own ballix off and threw it on the pyre and joined in with the mob chants of ‘Ban the ballix! Ban the ballix!’ rather than incur the wrath of them angry feminists. Their eyes, man. Oh Christ their eyes. Those eyes weren’t human I’m telling ye.”

The lynching follows another similar incident last week when a 35 year old male was torn to pieces by a crowd in Galway City after a trans-woman had accused a man of not looking at her hole. Miss Andrea Gaffney, formerly a Mr. Andrew Gaffney, posted on Twitter that she felt she had been the victim of a trans-homophobic discriminatory misogynistic microaggressive anti-progressive shaming attack by a patriarchal heteronormative cis-male chauvinist Nazi who had insulted her right to self-identify as a sexually desirable straight gay genderless queer pansexual woman in her own safe space and all without a trigger warning after he didn’t give her bum even the slightest glance when she passed by him in Eyre Square. After her tweet went viral an angry crowd descended on Galway City centre and tore limb from limb the first man they caught to get back at Miss Gaffney’s alleged abuser for being Hitler.