Declassified files shock: Extreme sexual tension between Haughey and Thatcher led to incident where Taoiseach was caught fingering Prime Minister under table at meeting

British state papers opened under the 30-year rule show that government officials from both Britain and Ireland were so worried by the “extreme sexual tension” between Irish Taoiseach Charles Haughey and British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher that aides were told to not under any circumstances allow them to be alone together in the same room. The startling papers reveal that cabinet ministers from both countries agreed on a secret rule to never allow them private access to each other after an 1987 incident during a Downing Street meeting between both governments when Mr. Haughey was observed fingering a “sweaty, moaning, gyrating” Prime Minister Thatcher underneath the table that he sat beside her at.

Minutes from the same meeting show a clear sexual chemistry between the pair as they engaged in the flirtatious innuendo which eventually led to the fingering incident:

Taoiseach Haughey: What about giving us the six back?

Prime Minister Thatcher: I’d need six of something back from you in return, Charlie.

Taoiseach Haughey: Oh I think that’s an Irish six I wouldn’t mind the British having.

Prime Minister Thatcher: So you’re not calling for a withdrawal any more, Charlie?

Taoiseach Haughey: On the contrary, Margaret, I’m calling for an invasion.

Prime Minister Thatcher: Won’t there be explosions?

Taoiseach Haughey: Oh lots of them, Margaret. Lots of them. Christ I think I’m about to explode now.

Prime Minister Thatcher: What about the Prods?

Taoiseach Haughey: What exactly is it you want prodded, Margaret?

Prime Minister Thatcher: Oh I can think of a couple of hot spots. And I’m not talking about West Belfast and South Armagh.

Taoiseach Haughey: And we’ll have to find the middle way together, Margaret.

Prime Minister Thatcher: Middle way, Charlie?

Taoiseach Haughey: Oh yes, Margaret. That middle way between the left leg and the right leg is all I can think about at this moment.

After that the minutes detail a series of gasps and groans before shouts of “Pull him out of her!” and “Clear the room!” are recorded as having come from different ministers and aides.

The papers then go on to reveal that leading members of both governments then jointly agreed that in future each leader must be kept at the opposite side of the room from the other during meetings and that, in the words of Kenneth Clarke, “they must never, ever, ever be left alone together lest they cause a scandal that will cause everyone living in both countries to just lie down and die.”