Social justice warrior arrested after destroying ‘racist, patriarchal’ snowmen

Prominent Belfast feminist and self-described “proud social justice warrior” Patricia O’Hairy has been arrested by the PSNI this evening after going on a snowman-wrecking spree across the city which seen dozens of children traumatised by her actions. Miss O’Hairy reportedly ran up to various groups of children who were taking advantage of the wintery weather conditions to build snowmen and screamed at them about being guilty of “maintaining the patriarchy” and “promoting white privilege” before kicking over their creations.

Seven year old Saoirse Breen from Ardoyne was one of the children whose fun was interrupted by Miss O’Hairy’s violent spree: “We were all just standing around Jimmy the snowman admiring what we had built when this woman comes up and grabs me and screams that I am betraying my gender by promoting something she called the ‘white patriarchy’ by making a man out of snow.  ‘Wake up, sister, throw off your chains! Make a soil woman instead!’ she kept screaming. I would have kicked her in the fucking fud then but she ran away too fast down the road and we could see her doing it again to some other children.”

Miss O’Hairy was last month charged with public order offences after screaming at a Santa in Castle Court Shopping Centre that he was guilty of animal abuse and slave labour for his use of elves and reindeer in the making and distribution of his toys.