Doctors worldwide have been speaking of their “deep concern” that young people trying the so-called ‘Tide Pod challenge,’ in which they film themselves eating one of those little detergent pods that you put into your washing machine, may not die from just eating one of the pods and have appealed to them to eat two “or as many as it takes” until they keel over dead.
“This new Internet craze is causing great concern in the medical community all across the world,” said Dr. Bríd Mahon of the Irish Medical Organisation. “Doctors have been watching with alarm these videos in which young cretins are actually eating highly poisonous detergent pods and we are sorry to report that in some of these videos we have witnessed the ending that many have dreaded since this craze first took hold: that is that some of the dribbling morons in them have walked away alive at the end. Even for medical professionals who have witnessed awful scenes over their careers this is very distressing for us to see, and so I and other doctors are making a heartfelt plea to anyone thinking of getting involved in this ‘Tide Pod challenge’ to please think of the consequences for the world of you not dying and to stuff into your drooping, drooling mouths as many as it takes of those little detergent pods until you have rid the world of your incurable cretinism. Just think, we might be saving ourselves from the next generation of reality tv stars if we can convince the vacuous little fuckwits to off themselves now.”