Kelly: Cunts are lucky I only used bolt cutters this time in great escape

Sinn Fein MLA Gerry Kelly has said critics of his should be thankful he only used bolt cutters to break the chains on a wheel clamp which had been put on his car “because if we hadn’t been on ceasefire I’d have shot the fucking thing off. Put one right in its face.”

“I think my unionist critics should know that I don’t play around when it comes to me making my escape,” said the MLA. “They should just be thankful that I now use only a bolt cutter to break the chains of oppression with. If this had been before decommissioning that clamp wouldn’t be seeing another day at work.”

Mr Kelly could not be reached for further comment as he is believed to have then taken a ferry to Holland where he will stay in hiding for the next three years.

The News Letter and Jim Allister have jointly called for the SAS to be deployed around all car parks in Northern Ireland until all senior Sinn Fein members agree to hand in their bolt cutters.