Feminist rallies across Ireland demand: Men must be hanged first and then given a fair trial

Thousands of furious feminists have rallied across Ireland to demand that all men accused of sexual assault by women “first be hanged by their necks until dead” before being given fair trials.

“As ultra-liberals we of course believe in equality of the sexes and the human rights that are enshrined in law,” said prominent Belfast feminist Patricia O’Hairy as she addressed a rally in the city yesterday. “That is why we agree that all men whom are accused on a woman’s word must be given a fair trial, but only their corpses as we must first see them dragged through the streets and hanged in town squares until their damned souls take flight into the screaming abyss of eternal hell. Then we can agree to fair trials,” she told hundreds of cheering supporters.

Some though at the rally walked away in protest after Miss O’Hairy gave her address. “We think she’s being too soft,” said one angry liberal. “We agree with her about the hanging but we then want the corpses grilled and fed to dogs and then the excrement of those dogs to be collected in glass jars and put on trial. We believe that only then can we talk about justice.”