Jesus flat out raising murdered Palestinians to life after resurrecting in Jerusalem on Easter Sunday

Jesus Christ, only begotten son of God, has complained that he is “flat out” dealing with injured and dead Palestinians after rising from the dead himself on Easter Sunday in Jerusalem.

“I’m all over the place raising young Palestinian boys and girls from the dead after they’ve been shot to death by the Israeli army or police for looking a bit too brown,” grumbled a clearly tired and stressed-out Jesus. “And that’s not to mention being called out to hospitals all over the West Bank to heal kids who’ve been beat into comas by the Israeli forces for throwing little stones at heavily armoured tanks. Let he who is without tanks cast the first stone, eh?”

Wearily massaging his temples and rubbing his tired eyes as yet another call for help came through, this time from the family of a two-year-old Palestinian girl who had been shot in the face by an IDF sniper near Jenin in the West Bank, he expressed his pessimism about being able to get some rest any time soon. “Justice for the Palestinians even as the world mollycoddles Apartheid Israel? That would take a fucking miracle,” said Jesus.