A year-long study by Queen’s University Belfast has concluded that completely made-up satirical news stories posted onto the internet by wannabe smart asses after being plucked straight out of their fetid holes are still truer than 97% of the ‘news’ stories shared onto Facebook by your easily-excitable and weed-dependent social media friends.
The study, entitled ‘Cunts Will Believe Any Oul Pish’, was headed by Professor Nerd McSpindle of the university’s Social Sciences Division, and he told us that the findings are “empirical proof that humanity is fucked.” Said the professor, “Cunts these days think the X-Files is real news. Nature should have given dolphins the chance to come to full consciousness instead, they no doubt would have been a much less embarrassing species. This study proves that humans should have just stayed up in the trees flinging their dung at each other. I am fucking clinically depressed after gazing into this abyss for too long.”
The study, though, is under ferocious attack on Facebook already, with many disputing its findings and claiming that it in itself is fake news sponsored by the ‘New World Order’. “I have cast iron proof that Trump, Prince Philip, the Pope and McSpindle himself have all been sighted together discharging weapons during every mass shooting in America in the past year,” posted one critic under a newspaper report about the study. “I know this is true because I read it on the internet this very morning! And this is their attempt to cover it up! Well, it won’t work because the masses are woke, the sheeple have left the pen!”
“I told you people were idiots,” said the professor when asked for further comment.