Celebrated naturalist Sir David Attenborough has been spotted in Bangor this week filming scenes for a new six-part series of his critically acclaimed ‘Planet Earth’ television show.
The wildlife expert and his film-making team took to Bangor’s pier to capture millies and spides in their natural habitat, hunting for prey and engaging in bizarre mating rituals with each other. Sir David could be heard narrating in his dulcet tones as two members of the species smickilis steekis were observed by him and his crew.
“Here we see the common or garden millie,” narrated Sir David, “whom locals have given the human name ‘Cora’, meet up with her mating partner, an adolescent of the spide species whom locals have also given a human name to, ‘William’. The millie will be impressed as the spide shows off his cheap fake bling to her while rubbing his barcode tache to let her know that he is of mating age. The spide will in turn be sexually turned on by the new Kappa track pants that the mille has just stolen from Sports Direct. Bonding over their love of the same smicky things, the two members of this ever-growing subspecies of chimpanzee will now attempt to seal their bond by scenting and then attacking weakened prey. And here we hear the millie sound the familiar warning roar to some prey she has tracked down, her animalistic cries sounding something like ‘Here wat de fuc you lookin at wi yer fucing all posh wee fucing face, ye hink yer battar dan us or sumhin?’. And, oh, it’s us she’s directing that to, we’ve been spotted by the wildlife, we better get out of here with our footage before they steal our camera and sell it for glue money.”