May: “Look, I’ve appointed this lovely little brown person as Home Secretary to show we’re not racist”

British Prime Minister Theresa May has said that she hopes her appointment of Sajid Javid to the post of home secretary will dispel for good any notions that the Conservative Party is racist after the previous home secretary Amber Rudd was forced to step down under public pressure for expelling legal black immigrants from the country.

“Isn’t he just lovely?” said Mrs. May outside Downing Street earlier as she patted Mr Javid on the head. “In the cabinet we all call him ‘Mr Woggy’ and talk to him in a Goodness Gracious Me voice but he knows it’s all just a jolly good laugh we’re having and he’s such a good sport about it all. He said to me ‘My tongue can be brown too if you want because I’ll lick all your bums just to be accepted,’ which made us all fall about laughing thinking that it must be a strange little tradition the natives where he comes from have to show affection, Kebabistan or some awful place like that. Anyway, isn’t he is just lovely. And we’ll make sure and not send this precious little wog back home on his banana boat this time.”