Wacky Israeli winner of Eurovision shows Israel is the funnest apartheid state in history

They murder Palestinians by the dozen, but they don’t murder their own Eurovision pop entries! The world celebrates as Israel at 70 shows itself to be the freshest, most fun and most colourful apartheid state there has ever been, with crazy songstress Netta bringing glory to the land-grabbing colonial country by winning the 2018 Eurovision Song Contest. Happy days all around.

Professor Nerd Mcspindle of Queen’s University’s politics department tells us that “Israel is definitely the most liberal apartheid-practising state the world has ever known. Israel is very big on human rights, except of course for the human rights of the Palestinians, but that is a technical issue with them as technically they don’t count Palestinians as human, so as far as Israel goes they aren’t breaching anyone’s human rights by treating the Palestinian people as subhuman. Normally this sort of thing would be looked upon as racism, but you have to understand that questioning Israeli apartheid is the real racism now. You know that they don’t arrest people for smoking cannabis there, don’t you? So see how cool a country they are?”

Congratulations, Israel, on reaching your 70th birthday, the fact that you’re in a constant state of war with your neighbours shouldn’t detract from how brilliant an idea it was to keep the Jews of the world safe by invading the Muslim world and starting a holy war with Islam. The ways things are going with your fresh, fun and exciting country the 30 years leading up to your 100th birthday look like they will go by in a flash. Immediately followed by a giant mushroom cloud.