Ivanka Trump angry that photogenic trip to Israel ruined by dozens of murdered Palestinians

Ivanka Trump has spoken of her outrage after images of dozens of unarmed Palestinians being murdered by the Israeli army were featured in news reports alongside photos of her opening the new US embassy in Jerusalem.

“It is just so unfair, ugh!” complained Ms. Trump, daughter of US President Donald Trump. “All that yucky blood and on a day when my hair was looking so perfect. Hopefully it didn’t detract too much from people admiring my hair. Those dead Arabs had just no consideration for how long it takes me to look this good. Next time they could try dying on a less important day for me, yeah?”

“We can only begin to imagine her sorrow,” said one murdered Palestinian. “I thought I had problems, what with being caged like an animal all my life and then shot dead by my captors when I dared to protest about it, but things like this put it all in perspective. My heart would bleed for her if it hadn’t just been blown out of my chest by a high-velocity bullet.”