Demand for ‘Compulsory abortions for all’ option to be added to referendum ballot paper in Republic as it is revealed large numbers expected to tune into Royal Wedding coverage on RTÉ

An opinion poll has shown a shock surge in demand for a third option to be made available to people due to cast their ballots in the Republic’s forthcoming abortion referendum.

52% of respondents to a Red C poll carried out this week have made a demand for a ‘Compulsory abortions for all’ option to be given to voters on May 25th, citing the large number of viewers expected to tune into RTÉ’s coverage of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding this coming Saturday.

Said one poll respondent who demanded that option, 37 year old Jack O’Reilly from Dublin: “There really is no fucking hope is there. If this is what Pearse and Connolly died for then I think we should just honour them by ending the whole bleedin’ thing altogether. If this goes through on referendum day the whole place should be entirely depopulated in 100 years time, saving us the embarrassment of hordes of fawning Irish peasants wiping away tears of joy for a family who would only let them into their palaces if they’d been skinned alive and turned into rugs for them to wipe their boots on.”